Let me be where you're.

Last year, the Spirit took me among you... So I applied again this year. I love Johannes very much. It is a blessing to listen to his transparent, close-to-human teachings. Through him, the Spirit picks me up and takes me to God, in the presence of God... He'll hold your hand and lead you near God. In and out.
As a little girl, I spent a lot of school breaks with my grandmother. He liked to walk with us grandchildren. We set the line together every day for hours. Winter, snow, mud. No matter what time it was out there, we went. Sometimes I walked into the wheat table, smoothing the cereals with my hands. I went and sang.  A lot of times I was humming fictional songs in some doggy doggy language that I didn't understand myself, but it felt so good. I poured my heart out. Then I played with the terrace turned into a stage and I sang to the trees... How much I played and how carefree I was... I wasn't afraid of anyone.
Then it was 30 years. In Kiskungyháza, I asked God in an Assaf course to give me the singing in languages... And he gave it to me. When I got home, I spent an hour in the kitchen listening to a melody that the Spirit had given me in my heart. To this day, I do not know how or how, but a word has emerged at the end: mi-se-ri-cor-di-a-e. That was the word. Then a year later, I found some Latin song in the prayer book, and I went wild looking for the word, see if it was in there and it was there! Exactly like this: misericordiae. Compassion, mercy. So a year ago, I begged for mercy without knowing it. Astonishing!
On the first day of the conference, I went up to the tower, and the band-ora's young team praised the Lord... it was such a blessing to be there with them! I was grateful for those teenage girls and boys... how good God is, for they are only breaking their wings, but He is calling them near him! When I went up there a second time because my heart was drawn to it, I had a prayer: how many millions of people live in the profession they chose and spend all their time! There are Formula 1 drivers or chess grandmasters... footballers. All their thoughts are filled with their occupation. Olympic swimmers train hard every day. There are fencers on the pate, athletes, gymnasts, thousands of other occupations... millions of people can do whatever they want.
Well, let me do what my heart calls me to do: I want to worship God in all my time. That's what I choose, and He's worthy of it, he's truly worthy to fill every minute of my life. After all, the Father is looking for worshippers, let me live in his House. I'm good with the threshold, just "let me be where you're at..."
These are, of course, beautiful desires... But the reality is, I'm shy and timid. Somehow we should overcome the fear of men and stand up for the will of the Lord.
Johannes just told me that fear of people is idolatry. When Johannes prayed for the smear to be emanating, I drank his words of encouragement, as if they were about me, but I felt almost nothing. Ah, it must have been addressed to someone else, I swiped at myself. But the next morning at Mass, something grabs my soul: I should return to the Lord all the way. An imam with the denying Peter... And there's peace in me again. I wanted to love him with all my being. That's what the day was all about. At the end of the day Frici (from Kecskemét) went up to the podium and swallowed big as he spoke. I started crying, and I didn't know why I was crying. Then the Spirit rang out: you little stupid... Isn't that what you're made to do? When are you going to believe that you're made for this? Put the puzzle pieces together. Yes, it all coincides with... It's time to step out on the waves! He said along with Frici. And I was just criing.
Meanwhile, Frici invited representatives of the established Houses of Prayer to the podium, who could be supported. While they were in their place, I was joined by an expensive brother I've known since last year's Mehr, and he says, "I want to support you(?!) What happens at this hour? I asked myself and just looked at him incomprehensibly. I had just enough money in my pocket to go home. I didn't ask anyone. I didn't tell my mother I didn't have a dime the next day, even though there's five of us in the family. I've been living like this for a long time... What that boy said sounded like a prophecy. I'm going to be adoring. He's a full-time lover. How, I don't know yet. I know almost nothing, but I want to...                              Szendreyné Andi about Neszmély